For centuries women have been defined by the males they are attached to in their life such as their father, brother, fiance, or husband. While we like to believe we are in such a modern and forward thinking society, many women are still defined by the men at their sides. I think the easiest way to see this is to think of the times you were single. How many times were you asked if you were seeing anyone or if you needed help being set up? Society at large still views women without men as "incomplete" as if being in a relationship validates a female's existence. 


When I was 16 I began my first long-term relationship with a guy. We were on and off a few times but for the most part I was in a committed relationship for two years. We broke up before I graduated high school so I was single for about three solid months when I began my first year of my undergraduate degree. By the end of the first month of school I was enamored with a guy that by December would be not only my best friend, but also my boyfriend. I stayed with this guy for another almost two years, just shy by one month before the breakup occurred. By the time this relationship ended I was so used to being defined by who I was with that I didn't really know what made me me anymore. It was really scary and took a long time for me to really figure out who I was. 

Fast forward to present day and I've been single for three years. The first year was a necessity so I could really find myself, find what made me happiest and what made me sad, figure out what type of person I wanted to be, and really find my own identity. The next two years of being single happened by accident. I swear, I wasn't against dating or being in a relationship but nothing really sparked me enough to consider it.

I'm single and I'm not incomplete, lost, lonely, or depressed. I like my freedom to literally do what I want without being concerned for another person. Does that mean I wouldn't be willing to get into a relationship? No. If the right guy swept into my life, I'd be more than happy to have a steady boyfriend. I'm not actively looking and hunting but I'm open to the idea. I think my biggest struggle is my almost ridiculously high standards from reading so many romance novels. Honestly, I'm not willing to settle when it comes to being in a relationship. I want someone who will challenge me, make me a better person, who will figure out how to take care of me, and balance me out. 

I felt like a lot of young females, and maybe even older ones, could relate to this post. We live in a society where the idea of being single and without a partner is frowned upon because you can't possibly be happy "alone." It is okay to not jump from relationship to relationship. It is okay to take a step back and focus on yourself. Last but not least, it is okay to not want to settle for a lackluster relationship just to not be single.