While sifting through my Tumblr inbox, I came across this really compelling note. "Sam, you always talk about romance and romance novels. My question is, how do you get over a broken heart?" I became interested in answering this because I have had to get over more than just a broken heart, more like a broken person.
The easy answer is, there's no formula for getting over a broken heart. When you allow someone to become close enough to enter your heart, you know you are setting yourself up for possible heartbreak. We all aspire to have someone that cares for us just as deeply as we care for them and, on a whole, we tend to overlook things when it comes to those we love. Sadly, when someone breaks our heart, there's no medicine to fix it. Talking about it doesn't always work. Crying doesn't always make you feel better. Time doesn't always truly heal that shattered feeling.
We all handle loss differently. There are things you should never do, though. Never bottle it up inside and think it will go away, it doesn't. If anything, you make it worse for yourself because once the gates flood, you fall apart ten times worse. Allow yourself to feel the hurt, cry, scream, and seek comfort in those you trust. You have to take the experience for what it is, another lesson learned, and feel it. If we could just turn our feelings off, we wouldn't be human.
What I have found works best for me is throwing myself into work and mentally as well as physically exhausting myself. Why does this help? That's easy, you don't allow yourself to think about what is missing or the hurt you feel because that person cheated on you or is gone. You are so focused on getting your supervisor to okay the event you're working on or perfecting the client's budget that you can't focus on how horrible you feel emotionally.
I find that crying and spending lots of time with others helps ease it the emotional toll a broken heart can take on you. I've had broken hearts, and reached a point where I allowed a guy to become the center of my universe. I'm here to tell you, don't freaking do that. Honestly, never let someone dictate who you are or define you because once they are gone, you are left as a shell of a person. I cried, I screamed, I withdrew from the world, I slept more and ate less.
It took me several months to recover from the blow. After the withdrawing from society, I began to focus on my work and reading. I think I devoured 10+ novels a week because it filled the time gaps that I would normally have dedicated to going out and being with my ex-boyfriend. The eating became a massive problem and my friends that I did allow to see me and my family began forcing food into me. I did a lot of self reflecting to find out who I was. Who was Sam without Ralph (not his real name)?
I continued to hide from the world but began to do little things like go shopping, eat at places with friends, and find what I liked. I had to rediscover myself because I had hidden away so many parts of me to please Ralph. The rediscovering process took me a total of seven full months before I came to terms with the fact that I could live without Ralph and that I was okay with who I was.
I realize I rambled on and gave you some information you might not have wanted to read, but I will some it up. There is no formula or cure for a broken heart. Everyone gets over it differently. My advice is to feel it. Take the pain because it reminds you that what you felt was real. Let it all out. If screaming, crying, and breaking down is what it takes for you to realize everything fell apart, do it! Realize you need to refocus all of that time you gave to the other person in other ways, preferably healthy ways. I suggest getting lost in work, friends, or pleasure things for yourself like reading. You have to remember that time can help and it doesn't happen in a few days. Honestly, it took me seven full months to truly say I was over it and okay with myself. Lastly, it is okay to feel alone and empty. It is okay to reach to others for support when you feel like you don't want to face the day. You can get through it and you will survive it.